Relationships Relationships+ Family

Happy Baby…Happy Couple? What men aren’t talking about…

It’s been weeks since your delivery and yes, everyone’s happy about the delivery of the new born baby!  But daddy wants his wife back. However, we as new mothers are struggling to keep the house clean, keep dinner on the table, prepare breakfast half asleep, juggle household schedules, get the kids hair combed, daily lunches made and still manage some semblance of an appearance. We are exhausted every day and the thought of stopping on heels and a smile at the end of that day is so close to never gonna happen its not even funny.

So to the new daddys I offer this, strap on a tight belt of patience while you take part in as many chores as you can. Both of you are getting less than your desired amount of sleep but not only will she notice the work you put in, her appreciation may pay off in ways that you didn’t expect!

Relationships Relationships+ Family

How You Can Avoid The Seven Year Itch…

Ive been with my husband for 15 years and married to him for 9 of them. I don’t pretend to know what makes a perfect marriage, actually I don’t that a perfect marriage exists. But I do know that we have spent the last 9 years together 24/7 and we still like each other! I recently read an article about “15 Ways to Stay Married for 15 Years.” I enjoyed the article, agreed with some things and had a different opinion about others.

Going to bed mad.
The author says, hey by all means, if you are angry go to bed mad. I have to agree with that. Trust me, after a long fight and much tension in the air, sometimes things seem much lighter and not so big a deal in the morning. The most important thing that sleep does is provide time to calm down and allow the negative energy between the two of you to dissipate.

Don’t break up a happy home.
The author says to stay out of trouble’s way. I agree. (1) both parties need to communicate their boundaries to others looking to cross those boundaries. (2) “friends” with intentions, steer clear! You don’t need friends like that! (3) If you won’t do it, say it, or type it in front of your spouse, don’t do it period. (4) Any “friend” that does not want to be friends with you and your spouse is not a friend, steer clear.

If you think that sex is not a big part of your relationship you are wrong. After a few years, and especially kids, your sex life starts to take a back seat to working, chores, kids, daily routine and nightly exhaustion. How do you fix it? Make time for your sex life. Sounds crazy but sometimes you need to arrange your schedule to make sure you get it in several times a week.

Team work.
Marriage is a team sport. If you have ever participated in team sports you understand that you don’t win every game. Sometimes, many times, there are lows and hard times. But no matter what you work it out and you work together. Sometimes one of you has to pull the load while the other plays the supportive role. Know your role and play it well. Don’t complain, suck it up and get the team through it.

Play to your strengths.
We have always had roles since we started living together. I hate washing clothes, he hates washing dishes. So I wash dishes, and clean the house. He washes clothes, and takes out the trash. We both cook, and we both help with homework, play with and discipline the kids. Sometimes I get caught up working late, so he washes dishes. Or sometimes he gets caught up working, so Ill wash clothes. Big picture, switch hats when necessary to get the job done and don’t complain, thats daily living for us.

Find Compromise in Faults.
We all have them. But funny, we tend to see our partners more than we do our own. My suggestion, find a compromise. For example, my husband keeps piles of papers everywhere. Im a less is more type person so that drives me crazy! Our solution, a basket for all of his “stuff.” This keeps the surfaces clean and still allows him to compile his things in one place.

Past times.
The author says to do your own thing. I agree. I think you should both have extracurricular activities outside of your marriage. Mine is yoga and volleyball. Those are things I do totally on my own. I enjoy time on my own, it allows me to be me, not mom, not wife, just me. And that is necessary. At the same time, we also find enjoyment in each others interests. Sometimes my husband will sit and watch Columbo with me or I will watch Bruce Lee movies with him. Although we both have our own interests, we also spend time finding enjoyment in each’s interest as well. One past time that we really enjoy together is movies. We have had date night (day) every single week for over 5 years. And our date is usually spent at the movies because we are both movie buffs.

I learned something about myself through my marriage, humility. I have found that sometimes I need to apologize, take a back seat, play the smaller role or even admit that my feelings were hurt. Being a person that wanted to be the strong woman all of the time, that was hard for me. But I have found that at times humility has strengthened our relationship.

I Complete Me.
Everyone remembers the famous line “You Complete Me.” And though it may sound very romantic at the moment, the reality is if you need someone to complete you, you need help! When it comes to relationships, I don’t believe that 2 halves make a whole. Rather, two incomplete people do not make one whole happy relationship. I think you need to be a strong, confident, competent, sexy individual on your own in order to bring something to the table in a healthy relationship. In the end, it’s two strong individuals that make a hell of a power couple.

Entertainment Music Relationships

Interracial Dating in Post-Racial America

Is this a post racial America?

“Nigger in a Northface” by Legit, illustrates the complexity and turmoil surrounding an interracial couple.

What do you think?


#BlackLove: Check This Video Out!

Leah + Kevin :: Nashville Wedding Trailer from FFDC :: Jeffrey Holland on Vimeo.


[Relationships] How to Break-Up: With Complete Instructions

(Disclaimer: Neither, J. Thurman or AlumniRoundup is responsible for what happens once you read this article. These are my opinions and are strictly to inform educate and entertain you. Now let’s get down to it.)

First things first: Make sure you are actually in a relationship that requires breaking up. You could just be having sex.

There is no easy way to say, “Kick Rocks” or “Arrivederci” or even “Bounce”, but when it is time to go you have got to go. Either you can “DIP” or let someone hold you emotionally hostage, your choice. Remember, it is your choice to stay or go. If you understand that you soul is at stake you will leave and walk away. If you are living a life of fear disguised as love, it is time to go. If you cringe at the very thought of talking or seeing your significant other, first of all they aren’t that significant anymore, you need to say “Adios” pronto mi amigo. Once said by the great American poet Tracy Marrow-“its pleasure in the beginning, but it is pain in the end.” This is a reality that affects millions daily. I just wanted to give you some helpful tips to look at getting out safe and how to be preventive at spotting a potentially unstable individual.

How to Breakup:

When you breakup do it face to face, if possible and only if it is safe! Please no e-mail, Skype, Video mail, postcard, through friends or the infamous text. Do not break up with someone thousands of miles away in war with the only sane thought in their heads is the love they have for you, whether reciprocated or not, Do not destroy the only thought that is going to get them home safe! Show some respect, not just to the person, but to the situation. It will go a long way with the outcome to ensure a positive outcome for all parties involved.

When to Breakup:

The time will never be right, so use the accuracy and precision of a samurai. Be quick and don’t waste time asking for advice in this matter outside advice will only delay the inevitable. Make sure that you are just and right in all you do and act. Do not let anyone plant the seed of doubt in your thought and actions. Just be sure you are not in a moving vehicle or around an arsenal. (Avoid Breaking up: Holidays, anniversaries or days that people consider anniversaries and places that are sentimental to the person you are dating.)

Why do you Breakup:

When “You are ready for something more.
When you are ready to experience more than this comfortable space that you have created based on pure apathy.
When you know, not think that this person that you are with is not interested in growth and maximizing their full expression as a person, BOUNCE.

Where to Breakup:

If you can in a public place. (Does not guarantee a pleasant outcome.)
Find Holy Ground where that person would never act out.
Choose a place that makes that person you are breaking up with happy.

If worse comes to worse and there is no maneuvering that person into a certain space to shift the energy away for anger and blame. Use the samurai method. Execute your breakup calmly, swiftly, fast and with purpose. Remember to avoid answering the “WHY” questions because they are traps set up to keep you in the moment instead of moving past the moment on to better soul fulfillment. You can never answer the “WHY” question to the other persons satisfaction, period.

When all else fails install the opposite effect. What do I mean? Simply become the opposite of everything he or she likes favors or believe in. Start by living Tea Party or any adverse political literature around your home. Become very bane of their existence by purposely doing and saying the very things they dislike. If they are a neat freak like Martin, Patrick Bergin’s character on sleeping with the enemy, then slop it up for no reason. If they don’t like their father or mother invite them over for dinner and have food they detest. Men, leave your draws on the floor streaked up. If the pariah that you are trying to release yourself from is latched on to you like a barnacle on the bottom of The Black Pearl them you have no choice but to not wash when they are around. Getting this intelligence is easy, just listen! People are mostly affirming what disgust them anyway.

If the person you are breaking up with hate smokers leave a pack of Newport’s MENTHOL HEAVY Short Box on your table in full view and say that lately you have been stressed. If they don’t like meat put an empty container of pork shoulder roast on top of your trash and then ask them to throw something away for you. If they hate people who drink buy a bottle of something that their drunken relative used to drink. If they hate a person who is tardy, don’t show up. Go to another movie with the person you really want to be with. Be the very antithesis of their core beliefs! It is better than the truth.

Remember that your breakup is not time to give the screw over to your “Ex” it is an art and should be treated with respect. Get in and Get out! Don’t wait for the guilt police to show up. The longer you stay stagnate in the moment the easier it becomes to get pulled back. It is called a BREAK-UP, and not a breakdown and certainly not an “I will stay until you feel better so people don’t think I’m a bad person”. There will be a moment of weakness or uncertainty and at that moment know that it is your body responding to a challenge. The challenge of filling the void that is now opens for cleansing and rejuvenation your soul. It is not what you think it is! It is not fear or loathing or sadness. It is you transmuting your anxiety and doubt into joy, new hope and excitement. It is a moment that last just a moment as long as you wish it to. Breakup don’t breakdown!

– J.Thurman
Best Selling Author/Power Speaker/Coach

The Man-You-All
(A Guide to Save Black Women Time, Money & Energy)
Invest in two copies@

Entertainment Relationships

Phonte and 9th Wonder talk about Love #LLFDP

Phonte and 9th (great to see them hanging, by the way) in a candid conversation about the L word. No not “lesbians” (Scott Pilgrim reference) the OTHER “L” word… LOVE.

Check it out.


[Photo] Role Models

The Huxtables were a weekly illustration and example of one way to be a Dad, businessman, career woman, Spouse, Son, Daughter, Grandson, Sister, Son in Law, etc. Though we often had these examples at home as well, they served as a great reminder of how great we could be.

With fond remembrances. Thank you Cliff and Clair.
-The Staff at ARU


Will You Marry Me? An Editorial by Michelle Drayton

African-Americans seek committed relationships and marriage just as much as any other ethnic group. They too long for the pomp and circumstance that the world will witness April 29 when England’s Prince William weds his bride Catherine Middleton.

It’s become standard practice in recent generations for black couples to ceremonially jump the broom at their weddings. The act exemplifies a delicate link between contemporary African-Americans to the slave culture of their ancestors who resiliently sustained precious native marriage practices. Though weddings between slaves were not officially recognized, the dogged continuation of matrimonial ties reflected marriage and family’s central position in black culture and community.