By: Lance Millionz (Spotted on Bison Roundup)

All that was missing from the Republican National Convention on Wednesday September 3rd were appearances by Paula, Randy, and Simon. I never could have imagined watching any performance on TV that could make reject contestants from “American Idol” look like they belonged on the Motown 25 special, but that’s exactly what we saw live from Minnesota last night.

The “Old Country for No Black Men” Party aka Republican Party finally unleashed their VP nominee Sarah Palin to the world last night, and good thing she’s had experience in pageantry; the whole event was more like a pep rally the night before a Homecoming game, instead of a serious political convention. The way she took the stage waving to everyone took me back to “A Different World” when Whitley was teaching Rudy the ‘wave’

Just in case you missed it here’s a rundown of (some) things we saw:

Did I REALLY see Madame Governor Palin blow a kiss to a man in the crowd in the middle of her speech (supposedly this man was a POW the same time John McCaniac was)????

BLOW A KISS???

Yet the past few days all I’ve been hearing from THAT party are charges of sexism when the Democrats and the media have questions about her on job experience. Way to go Miss (Runner-Up) Alaska!

Let’s be clear: All we learned about Madame Governor Palin is that a) she knows how to read a prepared speech from a teleprompter b) she doesn’t think very highly of community organizers which should go over well in the ‘hood, and c) we now know the difference between a hockey mom & a dog!

I’m actually surprised she didn’t say ‘female dog’ but I guess she didn’t want to be accused of sexism (the punch line is there so no need for me to say it 😉

Oh wait, we learned (again) about her family and how like any family they have their share of ups and downs, which is interesting because, just Tuesday we were rather angrily told (from BOTH parties) that family was off-limits, meaning that it’s okay for her to exploit them to further her political career, and for her party to exploit them to get their family values agenda across the airwaves, but how dare the rest of us bring them up.

I salute anyone who chooses to join the military, but call me a cynic when I say that the fact that her oldest son is going to be deployed for duty next Thursday (on 9-11 ironically enough) just seems a little too much like a “made for TV movie” moment.

Bristol and Baby Daddy looked like deer in the headlights (or is that caribou in the Northern Lights???) I don’t think he let go of Bristol’s hand unless it was to applaud one of the many outrageous points Madame Governor read off the teleprompter. Of course his future mother-in-law’s nickname in high school was Sarah Barracuda, and strangely enough ‘Barracuda’ rhymes with “Cougar” and “Puma” so…….(again the punch line is there)

Does Cindy McCain want to be the First Lady, or was she auditioning to be First Nanny?? The way she was passing the baby around, who knows?? I know one thing; someone needs to be brought up on charges of child abuse because that newborn should not be subjected to all that noise pollution at such a young age.

And let’s not forget the ‘touching’ moment when the youngest daughter licked her hands to pat down her nephew’s…, ooops I meant her younger brother’s hair. Priceless!

Enough about her family and soon to be in-law…..what did we learn about her?? What did we learn about her qualifications to being the next VPOTUS??

Nothing, nada, ZILCH…….

But wait, she did tell us how she put the state owned luxury jet for sale on E-bay because it was something she determined that the tax payers should not have to pay for……. No word on if she split the profit of the sale up with the citizens of Alaska.

All she did was attack, attack, and ATTACK. Not one time did I hear her mention an economic plan to get the country out of the recession….or a timetable for when the troops would come home…..or how the home foreclosure crisis would even be addressed.

She did not reach across party lines, but instead used the same divisive tactics that her party is known for. She did mention things like being an ‘outsider’ and bringing change to Washington, but the way she said those things would make you think the Democrats have been in charge the last eight years, and not the Bush/Cheney/Rove trilogy.

She could not offer anything new, or exciting because, quite frankly her and McCain are a sequel to “more of the same”

To echo Obama, “Eight is Enough!!!!”

For a political party that consistently aims low, they somehow managed to sink lower than a dumbbell in quicksand.

Have they trademarked the motto, “Fail To Succeed” yet?