Relationships Relationships+ Family

A Man’s Top 5 Dating Fears


The road between “our first date” and “that’s my girlfriend” is commonly a long arduous journey. The person we meet in the beginning is often the elected representitive of our date’s true personality. Over time, the phony washes away and we discover the inner thoughts and behaviors of this possible mate. Here are 5 common fears men have while in the process of dating. – akaTito


The Oxymoron of “The Lovers Quarrel”

And were an epitaph to be my story

I’d have a short one ready for my own.
I would have written of me on my stone:
I had a lover’s quarrel with the world.
                     Robert Frost (1874-1963)



Entry #2 in the Playa’s Handbook

This is a subject that I could keep going forever and ever until folx get the point.  As I’ve been told before, “You could write a book”.  So let’s get right to it!

Rule #6 Don’t START doing what you can’t (afford to) keep up.


Are You Getting Lazy About Finding Love?

Are you single, but want to make a connection?  Ask yourself how much effort you’re putting into finding a date.  If you were new to an area and you got sick, wouldn’t you put out the feelers to find a new doctor?  What if you were looking to sell your house?  Wouldn’t you put the word out on the street to get potential buyers?  So then why are we so lackadasical about finding love?  Love is not going to find us and there are too many ways to find love to just sit back and HOPE.  I know we’re riding the Obama’s HOPE wave, but even in his case, if you did nothing…even HOPE may not have kept him alive.

So what are the options?


Life on the Color Line (Why not go white?)

Before I begin, let me share some statistics

  • “…black men are seven times more likely than white men to be incarcerated and twice as likely to be unemployed.”  – USA Today
  • “…American black women are among the least likely to marry.”
  • In 2004, 26.5% of black males ages 18 to 24 were enrolled in college versus 36.5% of black women that age…” American Council on Education
  • Nearly three quarters of the 403,000 black-white couples in 2006 involved black husbands.
  • According to USA Today, in America 6% of marriages are interracial; in 1970, it was less than 1%.
  • A Gallup Poll on interracial dating in June 2005 reported that 95% of 18- to 29-year-olds approve of blacks and whites dating. About 60% of that age group said they have dated someone of a different race.
  • 22 percent of Asian-American women have a non-Asian husband while only nine percent of Asian husbands have non-Asian wives
  • Currently, six percent of black husbands are in an interracial marriage, compared to only two percent of black wives.
  • Fourteen percent of black men who are cohabiting without marriage have a white woman living with them (Sidebar: DANG!  They can even get them to move in with them!)
  • Slightly less than 18 percent of Hispanic wives are wed to non-Hispanics husbands, and a little over 15 percent of Hispanic husbands have non-Hispanic wives (Sidebar: Probably white).
  • 86 percent of black-asian couples consisted of a black husband and an Asian wife.
  • The higher the social status of the black woman the less likely she is to ever marry.
Health + Wellness

Dating and Dieting: “Can I get a side of Dick Gregory instead of fries?”

In the middle of my journey to lose these last 20 lbs, I’ve come upon a dilemma…dating. The problem is not so much dating as it is keeping control when there is change.

Losing weight means a lot of planning for me make any significant gains in my weight loss. I plan my meals every day, counting every calorie, documenting every work out. Being a baker, I’m around rich and fattening foods daily. Walking into the kitchen is akin to walking into a land mine field. And I’m an emotional eater, so if its a bad day, some disruption or change, you will find me in the walk-in with my head in the Valrhona chocolate bag. It is important that I stay centered, I pray and I stick to the plan and life is quiet. I am in a safe bubble of controlled calories and “serenity now” chants. But throw a cute boy in there and a night out on the town and that bubble pops.


Playing Your Position

We are all issued a position in life. Sometimes, it’s from birth, sometimes there is an incident that happens at some point in our lives that solidifies our position. Sometimes we just “come into our own”. Sometimes it’s a position that we slowly let ourselves slip into. But for some reason, everybody else generally knows our position except for us. I think the world would be alot nicer (less killin’ and stabbin’ and just more personal happiness) if people just played their position. So here’s my question….

When it comes to relationships, why is it that most people don’t play their positions (or as some like to say…”stay in their lane”)?