(Disclaimer: Neither, J. Thurman or AlumniRoundup is responsible for what happens once you read this article. These are my opinions and are strictly to inform educate and entertain you. Now let’s get down to it.)
First things first: Make sure you are actually in a relationship that requires breaking up. You could just be having sex.
There is no easy way to say, “Kick Rocks” or “Arrivederci” or even “Bounce”, but when it is time to go you have got to go. Either you can “DIP” or let someone hold you emotionally hostage, your choice. Remember, it is your choice to stay or go. If you understand that you soul is at stake you will leave and walk away. If you are living a life of fear disguised as love, it is time to go. If you cringe at the very thought of talking or seeing your significant other, first of all they aren’t that significant anymore, you need to say “Adios” pronto mi amigo. Once said by the great American poet Tracy Marrow-“its pleasure in the beginning, but it is pain in the end.” This is a reality that affects millions daily. I just wanted to give you some helpful tips to look at getting out safe and how to be preventive at spotting a potentially unstable individual.
How to Breakup:
When you breakup do it face to face, if possible and only if it is safe! Please no e-mail, Skype, Video mail, postcard, through friends or the infamous text. Do not break up with someone thousands of miles away in war with the only sane thought in their heads is the love they have for you, whether reciprocated or not, Do not destroy the only thought that is going to get them home safe! Show some respect, not just to the person, but to the situation. It will go a long way with the outcome to ensure a positive outcome for all parties involved.
When to Breakup:
The time will never be right, so use the accuracy and precision of a samurai. Be quick and don’t waste time asking for advice in this matter outside advice will only delay the inevitable. Make sure that you are just and right in all you do and act. Do not let anyone plant the seed of doubt in your thought and actions. Just be sure you are not in a moving vehicle or around an arsenal. (Avoid Breaking up: Holidays, anniversaries or days that people consider anniversaries and places that are sentimental to the person you are dating.)
Why do you Breakup:
When “You are ready for something more.
When you are ready to experience more than this comfortable space that you have created based on pure apathy.
When you know, not think that this person that you are with is not interested in growth and maximizing their full expression as a person, BOUNCE.
Where to Breakup:
If you can in a public place. (Does not guarantee a pleasant outcome.)
Find Holy Ground where that person would never act out.
Choose a place that makes that person you are breaking up with happy.
If worse comes to worse and there is no maneuvering that person into a certain space to shift the energy away for anger and blame. Use the samurai method. Execute your breakup calmly, swiftly, fast and with purpose. Remember to avoid answering the “WHY” questions because they are traps set up to keep you in the moment instead of moving past the moment on to better soul fulfillment. You can never answer the “WHY” question to the other persons satisfaction, period.
When all else fails install the opposite effect. What do I mean? Simply become the opposite of everything he or she likes favors or believe in. Start by living Tea Party or any adverse political literature around your home. Become very bane of their existence by purposely doing and saying the very things they dislike. If they are a neat freak like Martin, Patrick Bergin’s character on sleeping with the enemy, then slop it up for no reason. If they don’t like their father or mother invite them over for dinner and have food they detest. Men, leave your draws on the floor streaked up. If the pariah that you are trying to release yourself from is latched on to you like a barnacle on the bottom of The Black Pearl them you have no choice but to not wash when they are around. Getting this intelligence is easy, just listen! People are mostly affirming what disgust them anyway.
If the person you are breaking up with hate smokers leave a pack of Newport’s MENTHOL HEAVY Short Box on your table in full view and say that lately you have been stressed. If they don’t like meat put an empty container of pork shoulder roast on top of your trash and then ask them to throw something away for you. If they hate people who drink buy a bottle of something that their drunken relative used to drink. If they hate a person who is tardy, don’t show up. Go to another movie with the person you really want to be with. Be the very antithesis of their core beliefs! It is better than the truth.
Remember that your breakup is not time to give the screw over to your “Ex” it is an art and should be treated with respect. Get in and Get out! Don’t wait for the guilt police to show up. The longer you stay stagnate in the moment the easier it becomes to get pulled back. It is called a BREAK-UP, and not a breakdown and certainly not an “I will stay until you feel better so people don’t think I’m a bad person”. There will be a moment of weakness or uncertainty and at that moment know that it is your body responding to a challenge. The challenge of filling the void that is now opens for cleansing and rejuvenation your soul. It is not what you think it is! It is not fear or loathing or sadness. It is you transmuting your anxiety and doubt into joy, new hope and excitement. It is a moment that last just a moment as long as you wish it to. Breakup don’t breakdown!
Best Selling Author/Power Speaker/Coach
(A Guide to Save Black Women Time, Money & Energy)
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