Dear Black Man, I want AND need you…

Dear Black Man,

Don’t you know that I want to love you. I want my love to be your love. I know that they tell me that there aren’t enough of you out there for me to love, but that’s never been my vision nor reality. I know that they tell me you don’t have the education that I have, but I know to the contrary.

For years I have told you, that “I got this. I don’t need your help.” But today, with my advance degrees, robust portfolio and home full of the best furnishings, I realize, Black Man, I need you.

No, I am not afraid to say this. I want and need you. I need you like the ocean needs its beaches. Miles of sand that lead love hand in hand to the water. Water, that we need to sustain life.

I need you in my life, I need you in my laughter. I want you to protect me from my fears. My Daddy wants to still protect me, but he also knows that this is your job to do…he’s told me this before.

Now they want to tell me that it’s partly my fault. They tell me that I ask far too much of my Black Man. “Why must this Man that you ask for have education?” and “Why must this Black Man have ambition and drive?” This is what they inquire. They ask me these questions as if you don’t exist. As if you are extinct. But I know to the contrary.

Not only do you exist, you flourish. Your ability to grow and achieve inspite of your conditions is your best attribute. Yes, I want the best and greatest from you, because I know that within you, it exists.

Black Man, I love you. I want you. I need you. But do know this Black Man, I’ll expect nothing but the best from you. You shouldn’t want it any other way. I love you, but I love me too. I’ll never succumb my condition for yours. Why would you want me to?

Come to me with your frustrations of the day, I’ll ease them away with the softest touch to your brow; the most tender touch, indeed. I’ll massage the evening away in your shoulders. And I’ll be quiet tonight, because I know you need touch not words. I’ll let that project that you’ve been promising to get to, wait until next week. I’ll contain my fright when I see the “Daddy-long-legs” in the basement; because I know that tonight is not the night. Your worries have been intense today, and because of that, the centipede gets a couple more days of freedom and life.

I am here for you on your WORST days, but promise me, that you won’t leave me on your BEST ones. If we can make that pact with each other, I guarantee you that you have a deal. I will love you Black Man, no matter what they tell me. I know what I want and need. I want and need, you, Black Man- contrary to popular belief.

With Love,
The Black Woman
Richelle R. Ransom

(Richelle is a Broadcast Journalism major, and Florida A & M University graduate. She’s currently a contestant in the Oprah Winfrey OWN Show Contest. For more information, and to VOTE, please go to )

62 responses to “Dear Black Man, I want AND need you…”

  1. The true voice of black women, which is all too often misconstrued by the new media. Thanks for this.

  2. Girl, I tell mine all the time! I love him, need him BUT I want to see him succeed! This was a beautiful piece. Says everything I would say. My heart is full.

  3. VERY well said. I think alot of times there is a misconception that successful black women are angry…and well some of them are SO it’s refreshing to hear a clear & concise expression of what we truly desire #TEAMBrandNew

  4. This is so deep. Did You read my mind, Dear Richelle?
    I totally identify to the young lady writing this letter. I often wonder if my intellectual luggage and my image make me less a woman and thereby constitute a barrier to Black Men.
    It is so unfortunate when we have so much to offer.
    I really would like to hear from all the good men out there. I still believe they are out there.

  5. Girl u spoke volumesssss in this letter. As a young Black Woman I look around me at school and see my Black Men in school striving to get their education and better themselves. Knowing that there are way more Black Women attending college than Black Men makes me proud and at the same time it worries me. Someday soon I want to settle down and have that family that I dreamed about as a little girl. As you said statistics tell me that it will be impossible for me to find that right educated man due to the misfortunes of the world. As women we have to learn what things we can and can’t compromise for love. We cannot accept just anyone in our thirst for a man. We have to seek out the best of the best because despite what we are being told he is there. Richelle i absolutely love this letter! It reminds me that I am not the only one on a quest to find that strong black man! Love u girl!

  6. I LOVE it! Thank YOU still believing-believing that we still exist. Thank you for compassion to NOT succumb to what the “ABW” been saying for years! Keep Loving, keep writing because your talent is Unmatched! YAAAY 3R! Much love, your truly “INetwork1914”

  7. I LOVE IT!!!! I will be printing this out and giving this letter as fathers day cards as well as to the Black men at my job!!!! God has blessed you with so many talents… #TeamBrandNew!!!!

    Love ya,

    Tashia @p00kums

  8. In a time where black women are constantly under attack and having to answer the question about their love/respect/appreciation of black men it’s nice to read an open and honest letter which express the opinions of many black women!

  9. This passage hit home to me in so many different ways. I myself find this as an outcry of being young and intelligent. I find myself gravitating towards older women. There seem to be a stigma placed upon the black men as a whole because of the many who seem to run away from the responsibilities of being an adult. This comes simply from a mans up bring. How was ones household? ” It takes a whole village to raise a child” I believe this phrase and it has stuck with me through my young journey. I myself am ambitious, intelligent, driven. and a leader of tomorrow who is not afraid of finding a “Black” woman to compliment my weaknesses. This is a sure fire way like in other races to preserve the lineage as a race to nurture and develop strong black leaders for tomorrow. Women must understand that as black men we have strikes against us for being intelligent but being a black man is another. Love us and grow with us to help us understand who we are at the present and help us grow to who we want to grow to be.

  10. Something to think about, how can I leave you at my best……. when, with you I’m at my best. Just real talk from a brother……

  11. We The People……means so much more then just the “intro” to the Constitution. Say what you mean and mean what you say ! We Need You Too Black WOMAN !
    Thanks Richelle

  12. Thanks, Richelle, for your heartfelt letter. In a time when Black men are discussed almost exclusively in terms of our pathologies, it’s great to hear your support and your admonishments! Very timely.

  13. Wow. Richelle, your letter is the reflection of the soulfully loving heart that does indeed exists,thrive and is alive and well with in the hearts and minds of our people today. You are so poignant to illustrate however, just how jaded that we have become in terms of love and romanticism- as people have ceased to believe that there is such a thing anymore. But your letter springs forth like the dawning of a new day and has made me take a step back, smile, and say to myself “I knew it, there are woman that truly can understand and appreciate all of what some of us men of African descent do on an EVERYDAY BASIS, rather it is seen or unseen.” So I thank you for having the courage and fortitude to share these most crucial thoughts that could very well rekindle “Black Love”. Peace, and may your letter be a bless-ed reminder to many that TRUE LOVE still dwells among us.

  14. Richelle, this is great. We are almost pressured to not express this sentiment to our men, but I’ll tell any of them I want you, I love you and I’m not ashamed of it. Needing a black man doesn’t that we base our worth on that need. I think you captured that perfectly!

  15. Wow, I love this piece. Feels like I wrote it myself but years ago. I have to admit I’ve lost a lot for the black male but this article has refreshed me again. Thank you.

  16. This is uplifting an such a heart felt letter I plan on sharing this with all 8 of my brothers an nephews an cousins to let them know they are worth of love an most of all that we as a African American Woman truly appreciate an Love them from the depths of our being Thank You Ramona

  17. Since I know your heart/intentions are good, I’m going to respond to you as if I don’t know you.

    -Why is the first line “Don’t you know that I want to love you.”? No one can stop you from showing love for anyone. This makes it feels forced from the start. Much of what follows makes me feel the same.

    -Adult men know that you don’t need them. The same for adult women. It is preferable to be wanted. Ask any therapist. If we want healthy relationships, let’s look at what we really need.

    -You wrote: “Now they want to tell me that it’s partly my fault. They tell me that I ask far too much of my Black Man. “Why must this Man that you ask for have education?” and “Why must this Black Man have ambition and drive?” This is what they inquire. They ask me these questions as if you don’t exist. As if you are extinct. But I know to the contrary.”

    My response is to find people to have an intelligent conversation with and leave “they” alone. Someone asking you this type of BS seems to have minimal thinking capacity and low expectations. Everyone deserves better than that.

    -Ultimately, I embrace the positive intent of the letter. In reality, it felt trite and contrived. For Black men that know their worth, I think it will come across similarly. There is little value in it for us, because these things are not in question for us. We hear all the rumors and stereotypes, but we don’t internalize them. They don’t represent us. More importantly, neither do the women we choose to spend our time with.


  18. Loved it! The relationship between a black man and black woman is such a delicate one. In many cases, you have a woman that’s independent because she feels she “has” to be and not because she wants to be… So she builds a hard exterior to save herself from heartache and pain… On the other hand, you have a man that wants to love but often doesn’t know how to because he’s been told to be strong.. a player… a fighter..

    My prayer is that we learn how to love each other again…that we learn how to let ourselves be loved again.

    Love and compassion aren’t signs of weakness. They are some of the strongest emotions we can have.

    Good job, TripppleR!

  19. Loved it!!! I’m going to print it out and give it to my husband, whom I adore, and NEED very much 🙂 Thnx TripppleR!

  20. I’ve told this same thing to my single female friends for years!! If you don’t make a man feel needed, he will gravitate to someone who does. You can have your career, fabulous crib, bangin’ car and all of the other material trappings of life but you still have to make a man feel needed (other than for physical gratification – unless if that is all you’re looking for).

    I think that some people associate the word “need” with weakness, especially when it comes to saying that about another person. Folks, it’s not!! I NEED my wife in my life…can’t imagine it without her. That admission doesn’t make me weak – it makes me a person who is in love with another human being!

    Good job, RRR!

  21. Wow! This is truly a beautiful letter! Thank you! I’m glad you, as a black woman, took the time to post something so positive. I’m married to a beautiful black woman myself, and I want to see more black women express their true feelings about black men. Not “all men are dogs” or want to be a “thug”, “pimp”, or “playa”. Many of us want to be loved and needed. We may not say it as much as we should, but we do.

  22. Ah-ya-ya, here we go… I do understand & support your letter of intent, however, I am extremely partial to the words of, GWhite; allow me to explain– I’m so in agreeance with him on understanding, all “Black men” simply, aren’t created equal. He makes an excellent point when he states, “Adult Black Men” know these things. Therefore, most of what you assumed they don’t know, “Adult Black men” already have knowledge in those areas. Unfortunately, what GWhite must realize is, he’s an exception, basically the minority, yet, he spoke as if he was the majority, which simply, isn’t the truth. If that was rule, you wouldn’t have put pen to paper in the first place… There would be no reason. It would all be mundane, common place… how we live & go about our everyday lives… Yet, GWhite, it isn’t an ordinanry course of living. It just isn’t! Richelle, you’re speaking from the heart & mouths of many women who feel this way. I think we have to be open to “Adult Black Men,” like GWhite who understands a woman want & needs. We must stop generalizing. As I said, before, All Black men Are Not created equal. They just aren’t! Nobody wants to be placed in a box, it’s uncomfortable. 🙂

  23. Richelle this was great all black men should read this statement by you. It is very true we have lots issues going on; but that should not stop the black man from achieving everything that we set out to do. Every man needs a strong loving woman, but that man needs to know that he has; to take care of his business if you want that wonderful woman to stay around.

  24. I enjoyed reading this piece, Mona, and it touched my soul. Your article was refreshing to read, and has given my faith a much-needed jolt! Regardless of the rough encounters I’ve had with Black men, I’ll never give up on them. Keep writing and keep believing.

  25. Wow, truly the message from a full grown Black woman to a Black man… Is this just an editorial pice or from the heart? DM to elaborate we can discuss this further… Grown up to grown up!

  26. “For years I have told you, that “I got this. I don’t need your help.” When did The Black Woman ever say that? I know I did not, nor my sisters, mother, friends, aunts, etc. It’s never been “I dont need your help.” It’s always been “Lets help each other.” History shows that. Now where Black men have have had harder disadvantages in this euro-centric divisive society is open for serious, intellectual discussion. But your statement dismisses that The Black Woman historically and in present tense have helped, loved, needed, struggled and died for Black men. It is wrong, misleading and very careless and cavalier of you Trippple R to sign this letter as if you represent us all. I would have appreciated this sappy, sacchrin, over done Hallmark card, Lifetime episode of a letter if it had been signed by Tripple R herself and not as “The Black Woman.” You misrepresented our sisterhood and our struggle with our brothers as descendants and survivors of slavery. We continue to strive and rise together.

    Please be more thoughtful when you write about love and relationships and our family bond to each other. This article was neither helpful to me as a Black person or as a woman.

    Here is an article that was more thoughtful and caring about black male and female dynamics. Learn from your peers. Dont play into the image system that makes black women seem mean, “too independent” and unloveable. Good luck.

    • To my lovely sister aBlackPerson,
      I’m sorry, but I have to disagree with you and agree with the author. The women your talking about died out during the last ice age, except for the few that attend Florida A&M University. ; ) aBlackMan

  27. Nice job. I think you hit on the undertone of what’s missing in our relationships, which is vulnerability. It takes serious courage to have this sense of openness to an individual and make the commitments you make in the article. The challenge to our women is to be willing to put their previous heartbreaks on the shelf and be that vulnerable, while maintain the wisdom of the lessons learned so they know with whom to share their vulnerability. It’s a tough road, but well worth it. I’m living the dream right now. Well done ma’am

  28. I really was falling in love with her while reading this.It got to me,then I started feeling sorry for her,and my love for her faded.Bye my luv.

  29. Dag, girl. You just strip away all pretense, don’t ya? It takes guts to be so vulnerable. Seems like only you and Jill Scott (The Truth Is) dare speak such truths.

  30. Thanks for sharing and being honest–We all need each other and we get to drop our fears, heal our traumas, communicate and reconnect — we Black men have been too long without you, our black woman

    we grow stronger everyday, negative perception pushes us the other way, yet the good outweigh the bad, we just lack PR 🙂

  31. I don’t want a BLACK MAN EVER! I’m sick of the lack of support, no love, child abandonment, cheating, running around, their IR dating/marriage all why they put Black women down!


    • Dee, you’ll never be happy because your carrying too much hate. Men have only done to you what you’ve aloud to be done. Get over it and move on with life, it’s too short for revenge… Then there are times when we must look in the mirror at ourselves.

  32. Awesome piece!

    “I am here for you on your WORST days, but promise me, that you won’t leave me on your BEST ones”

    This has happened to me a time or two though, got me leery of ALL men!

  33. Richelle, I thought that your article was very well written and insightful. Moreover, it was very timely. Personally, I believe that every Black man in the United States needs to read it. The main reason is because, as you stated so candidly, we have been told that we “can’t do this” and “don’t do that” by society as a whole. I am the type of Man that you wrote about in your article. I am very educated, intelligent and very much aware of world events and how they impact my everyday life. Lastly, please know that it was rather refreshing to hear such positive words from such a positive Black woman..I want and I need you too Black Woman; by my side is where you belong. TSU forever…Larry Batchlor II

  34. It’s so nice to read the words of a woman expressing her need and desire for a good loving man in her life as appose to the many who express how they don’t need a man.
    Kudos to you sis!

  35. One-sided loyalty is for suckas and those who feel like they have no other choice BUT black males. In this day and age, black men are letting black women know that they don’t feel the same that the author does.

    Time to wake up now.

  36. By education do you mean degrees and crudentials, because you can’t measure intelligence with those, and you certainly use those to measure character.

  37. This is a stupid blog post. Black never tell black women this. Stop wasting time worshiping these “men”. And no, I’m not a white man. Let black men worship YOU for a change.

  38. Reading this passage put tears on my eyes..and Im a Black woman.

    Im also ashamed of my old self. Ill try to explain myself but Ill try to summarize this as much as I can.

    Some Black women have given up on Black men because of bad past experiences, the demographics the were/ are around or love certain features about non Black men.With me, you can say my White community, bad experiences with Black kids during the day, being a victim of a crime, colorism and my father abandoning the family caused my initial surrendering of Black men.

    I never wanted to feel that way about Black men.I passed the Paper Bag test, my neighborhood was White but my household was Black and my examples was such and I thought that Black men were sexy but I was hurt.Colorism led me to believe that all of them wanted a fair complexioned to non Black woman.My Black peers thought that I was ” too
    White” for them . I was robbed and my father put the icing on the cakw by leaving his family.
    I mean , what kind of example did he show me and my away when times get hard? ?

    For me, I developed a dislike for my men but I hated that self hate…a self hate that I wanted to get rid of. I mean, why be that way? No White supremacist would want you to be in their group unless they will make a fool out of you.

    My 11th grade teacher , a Black Bostonian,said something that would catch up to me and change my life forever. She only said two words: look closer.I didnt always get her gist but once I graduated from high school her words impacted how I would see the truth about life.

    I cant describe it but Black became beautiful. I would be exposed to Black families( during my childhood and now) who stuck with their familes until they died. If the Black men in Hollywood want them a lighter skinned Black/ non Black woman, its their loss as there are Black men who loved me for ME. Im from a mostly White community but I knew White men who treated their women like trash as my baby sister witnessed a man beat on his wife and lastly, my eldest brother would expose me to an HBCU where to see a stepshow.I was a teenager at the timeand I was in awe..looking at all of that Black excellence…and!

    Seriously , I had to sit down and evaluate why did / were attracted to certain races of men. Yes, at the time , I was more attracted to non Black men but the reasons for it was more about escapism and what was around me. All of those reasons left a void in me. When it came to Black men ..much as I didnt want to admit, I had more in common with them than I was willing to believe. I love their strength, their humor, their confidence and they way they look.

    Mind you , non of these qualities keep you together as it is up for the couple to do that but I grew to love Black men for the right reason and I have always loved them without recognizing it. If someone was to ask me if I could date Black guys, I would say ” Yes..why not? ” have and will.

    Though I respect ones preference to the men they desire, I just find it degrading when someone of their own community can express their ” love” of someone from the opposite race by putting down their own people. It is problems like that of why I feel embarrassed for my feelings.No, I havent always been treated right by my Black community but I refuse to look foolish. We all go through things that may cause us pain but I see my struggles as learning lessons and those lessons have made me a stronger Black woman and precocious human being.

    Ive had Black women friends who dated / married out of their racial circle only to discover that the problems they thought they were escaping with Black men came back to haunt them with the non Black men they thought they hit the jackpot with.

    I love Black men…romantically, mentally, and spiritually. I feel like that my initial ignorance have made me miss out on somethings with them but now Ive come to my senses, I dont ever want to miss out with them ever again.

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