Why is it that after the courting phase is over most men (your husband included) grope you like they are in a bar and are three sheets to the wind while you’re trying to whip up dinner, talk on the phone and get the kids a bath (all at the same time). Is this their idea of romance and seduction? Now while you certainly appreciate their attraction to you and the fact that “they can’t keep their hands off you”. Do they really believe your MIND is in a sexy place?
What I would like to put on the table is in order to have the intimacy you’d like, you must know that….Foreplay Begins in the Morning.
The brain is the largest and I must say, most ignored sex organ. With a little stimulation above the neck, you can get things going below the waist quicker than you think. This is the most misunderstood part of intimacy and sex. We (ALL) do this in the beginning….complement, leave love notes, talk on the phone for hours bonding, listen to dreams, desires and fantasies…only for that to go out the window once we’ve been “got”. A woman can be so tuned into being intimate with her significant other…call him and talk sweet nothings, let him know she’s on the way home to spend some “quality time” with him (wink, wink) and then once she get there, he’s still in the SAME workout sweats he had on when they first talked (and I mean has not SEEN the hydrogen or the two oxygen molcules of water), then he’s trying to coerce you into giving him some. Some what???? Soap and water? That is NOT sexy. For some women, gym funk may be sexy, but it is NOT to me, and I would venture to say most women would find this to be a turn-off.
Women, unfortunately, generally have a small window of opportunity to be intimate. If they are thrown for a loop, it’s harder for them to recover. Loops being, dirty house, uncooked dinner (if that was your job for the evening), funky body or just being second to the ball game. After we fizzle, and get turned off, it’s a hard road to turning back on the light switch.
Every man should listen to James Ingrams’ “Find 100 Ways” for some tricks of the trade.
What it takes to GET someone, it also takes to KEEP them, so be sure that what you’re doing in the “courting” phase is what you can sustain in the “life” phase. Be true to yourself and your real romance capabilities. Please don’t just do enough to get BY and then say BYE to enough.
Now ladies, the same goes for us. Did you used to wear sexy lingerie to bed, make sure that your hair, nails were done and that you hair was not constantly in a ponytail or simply undone. Do you come to bed in sweats and a t-shirt or flannel pajamas. Do you keep sweats on or wear your sexy jeans and top or WHATEVER your husband/significant other thinks is sexy? If you are reading this and have not read “Keeping the Fie-yah in your relationship”, then maybe you should read it. But the bottom line is…you also have a responsibility to put your best self forward.
Back to the men…..women are reflectors. They reflect what they are given. They will show their appreciation of you when you do the little things, which will then make you feel good as a man. Have you ever heard that “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”? Well it goes the same here….if you make her feel good, she’ll make you feel EXTRA special. BUT….once anger, resentment, lonliness, etc. set it….it becomes harder and harder to come back from that place. Once a woman closes the book on you, it’s a wrap.
Remember, the romance you give her, you’ll get back 10-fold….but start in the Morning (leave love notes, call her, tell her she looks sexy WITHOUT the expectation of sex, WITHOUT sounding like you’re on a construction site and she happens to be passing by). If you don’t have the expectation of sex, the compliments seem sincere and if she sincerely feels your vibe, you may take her to get a “ride”….as soon as tonight.
Here’s hoping you keep on adding chapters to your book of life, love and relationships. And now…..