Are you single, but want to make a connection? Ask yourself how much effort you’re putting into finding a date. If you were new to an area and you got sick, wouldn’t you put out the feelers to find a new doctor? What if you were looking to sell your house? Wouldn’t you put the word out on the street to get potential buyers? So then why are we so lackadasical about finding love? Love is not going to find us and there are too many ways to find love to just sit back and HOPE. I know we’re riding the Obama’s HOPE wave, but even in his case, if you did nothing…even HOPE may not have kept him alive.
So what are the options?1) Online dating
If you’ve never tried online dating, and you’re trying to meet someone, what’s wrong? It’s no different from meeting someone out at a function, bar, club or other event. You simply see their image (same), talk/chat with them (same), a lot before you accept a date (hmmm….different and better).
Here’s just a Sampling of thousands of online dating sites
Yahoo personals, Eharmony, Match.com, JustSayHi.com, SinglesNet.com, American Singles, Serbian Love, Chemistry.com, Lavalife.com,
TPCLive.net (For Black Professionals)
PlentyofFish.com, TheJCafe (Jewish Singles), JewishAmericanSingles.com, BlackSingles.com
InterracialSingles.com, InterracialDatingCentral.com, LatinWomenSite.com, BrazilCupid.com, BBWRomance.com (for Big Beautiful Women), BBWCupid.com…..you get the point.
2) Friends & Family
- Let ‘em know you’re looking. But advise them not to give out numbers and email addresses without your permission! Some folx you gotta let know.
3) Church Singles Ministries – Interested in starting one at your church or house of worship? Click HERE ——> http://www.christianitytoday.com/singles/newsletter/mind50126.html
4) Activity groups
- Bowling leagues
- Running clubs
- Biking clubs
- Travel Clubs
- Black Ski Trips
5) Charity Groups
- Feed the homeless and meet like-minded singles.
- Plant a tree, go green and meet lots of men/women, who like you are interested in preserving our planet.
The bottom line is, you have to be active about pursuing love the same way you are active about pursuing a job, house hunting, etc. Here’s the rules of the game:
1) Find someone you LIKE. Now this is important. You have to like the person. They may be cute, fine, sexy, but crazy as hell. Don’t come back tellin’ everybody they were crazy at the end…they were crazy at the beginning, but their fine ass blinded you and you couldn’t see it. Make sure you like them, they have FRIENDS that like them, YOUR FRIENDS like them and your family likes them. This is important b/c if NOBODY likes them but you, there’s probably a reason.
2) Get to know them first. Don’t go giving out keys to your car, house, etc. on the 2nd date. Get to know them and take your time doing it. I’m not advocating playing hard to get. I’m just saying, you save yourself a lot of heartache if you get to know the real person over time. Anybody can show you’re their ghost (or as some like to say representative) for the short term, but not the long term.
3) Watch your body language. Do you go out and turn down every guy that walks up to you? Don’t you think the guy you REALLY like is watching? After 2-3 shoot-downs….his head will turn in another direction…unless you make it clear to him, that you are waiting for HIM. But seriously…be nice to people (in general), it’s contagious and it means you’re a nice person. Be nice to other men even as you gently turn them down, but don’t be overly friendly as that may indicate yet another side. But smiling opens you up as being friendly, is healthier and uses less muscles than frowning. Plus…frowning generates those ugly wrinkles in your forehead. But who can complain about smile lines?
So back in my heyday….I had a rule. If I liked a guy, I gave him the go ahead to talk to me (with a slight wink, or just enough eye contact) or simply started joking with him or asking kooky questions. Examples:
1) One guy I met at 112 in ATL has put his coat in coat check. We had danced some that night and ended up in line together. When he got his coat, I joked him saying he could have hung that coat on the back of somebody’s chair because noone was going to steal it. He had a good sense of humor and we joked each other back and forth. We ended up going to breakfast and are friends to this day.
2) Another guy I met had braces. I had never kissed anyone with braces before, so I asked him, “When you kiss someone with braces, does it hurt?” He said, “Give me your number and you can find out”. And I did. Kissing with braces doesn’t hurt.
There’s always more rules to the meet/greet/get-a-date game, but I’d like to hear what’s worked for you. Or what was your weirdest interaction that ended up in a date. And if you’re looking to date…get in the game! Happy Dating!