OK….today’s column is all around SIZE. I will be exploring this topic from the female point of view as it pertains to the male member affectionately called, “the third leg”. Sometimes it’s a third leg and sometimes it’s a sixth finger. Nonetheless….the question I’d like to ask is…
Does size matter to you and if the answer is yes, how so?
So here’s the situation…. Imagine you’re with a group of friends playing Truth or Dare (in mixed company of course) and a multi-person dare is put out on the table. In response to the dare, all the men drop their pants/drawers immediately (no time to get the “little guy” in a better state of awareness that he’s about to be a Smithsonian Exhibit…so your memeber is chillin’ (read….shrunk down to the size it was when you were a newborn)). You drop your pants and OH SNAP….all anybody sees is the HEAD of your member. Now….your remedy for that is….”Hey….I’m just suffering from shrinkage” or “It’s cold in here” or “I had measles when I was younger and it stunted my growth” or any number of ready made excuses men have when they know they are not working with much. But does shrinkage just make you look like you have a little “detective”? Or more like a big “Pearl”?
Ok…so that’s on the small side…now let’s go over to the XL side. You are The man, The Mandingo, The Myth. You are working with a sizeable package (which by the way ladies, you rarely can tell the difference between hard and soft with this group). You have no problems dropping your drawers in the aforementioned Truth or Dare group and people GASP not from horror (or maybe so) but in abject appreciation for having witnessed The Myth first hand. OK, OK….this is one of those things where we say….It’s looks good on paper, BUT….do I feel like you are trying to dilate my cervix everytime we have sex???? Abso-fuckin’-lutely not. (pardon the pun). This is uncomfortable. I don’t want to have to put heating pads on my lower abdomen after every lovemaking session. Dare I say, that’s not very sexy….for me. Maybe you get a kick out of it. But unless I’m a masochist….I’m not gonna be goin’ for that very often. So while a guy like this probably gets his fair share (quantity) just on the myth and legend, I’d venture to say that he doesn’t get tons of quality punnany, because nobody wants to feel like that on a regular basis. Now….just like there are different dick sizes, there are also different Ill-Na-Na sizes….so I’m sure his match is out there, BUT nobody knows about her because all the guys she’s had sex with have put the word out on her (and it’s not a good one) that you may as well be “doing” the air for all the sensation you get. So it’s really a catch 22.
Anyway…size does matter, but only to who you’re with. Studies show that women estimate males size better than men who overestimate their own size by at least 1 inch….so we get it already. The bottom line is, there is a perfect size for all of us. I’ve found mine and I’ve molded to it so we fit like a glove. I’ve also been with men where I was doubled over in pain (for like the whole day after….not fun) and on the flip side, I’ve been with men where I could have been smokin’ a Lucky Strike and reading the Reader’s Digest I was so bored (and didn’t feel a damn thing) and I don’t even smoke. So chin up, guys, size does matter, but only to the TWO people who are doin’ the “measuring”.
So ladies….here’s hoping you find the “hand” that is the perfect mate to your “glove” and then that’s the only size that’s right for you.